I puked a lego.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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