I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
