I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
