he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
