So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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