Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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