I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
