Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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