Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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