Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
