I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
