I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
only you would photoshop your dick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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