Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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