Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
