Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
