You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
