and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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