do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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