It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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