I want to stick my p in your. b.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
