i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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