Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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