I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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