He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think we might need a safe word for this...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
