Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize