She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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