ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
