I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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