her vagina looked like bernie madoff
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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