You just made me feel so damn special
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
