I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
