I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
