just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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