his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
