I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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