thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Fuck appropriateness.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
