he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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