And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
