I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
