These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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