I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
