i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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