i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
