Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you would pick up someone in the library
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
