Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
