I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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