i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
