Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
