im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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