did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
