after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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