"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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