A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
