the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
