he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
