i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he had hair everywhere except his balls
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
